I love you
I am too excited
To be afrighted
So I will rip my soul out
I will throw my heart
With all its content at you
I hope you catch it
And treat it well
Make it yours
Till yours is mine
But if you won’t
Or simply can’t
I still won’t hold back
It beats for you anyway
And bleeds for you everyday
So it just might as well
Fall down and break
I may as well
Bleed dry.
I loved you
You said you did too
So I wallowed deeper
I let myself go
Over the deep end
When I kept slipping
And you couldn’t hear me
Calling out for you
I couldn’t fault the world
For not knowing my voice
For thinking I was dumb
When my chest was airtight
And my lips were sealed shut
I never gave it my heart
Not even once
Did I lend it my soul
But what was your excuse?
[The curtains go up]
I hang there helpless
You tug at the strings
You push buttons
You snare with words
I twitch, I jerk
I sing
Coerced
I plod along
To your whims
The world
Your watching audience
They cry, they laugh
They applaud in hysteria
They identify with my many faces
A hero, villainous
A prude, perverted
I am whoever they want
I can’t be who I really am
You won’t allow me
They love their melodrame
I am convulsing
Dancing to your music
This is not me
I am cracking, breaking
Under the expectations of your will
I want the curtains to come down
But I have no control
As long as your strings holdfast
The show must go on.
[Crowd: Encore!!]….
You reminded me
Of the darkest night
When the devil broke free
When I fell through the abyss
You recalled my ugly
A wraith you were more than witness to
A reflection I never again want to see
An evil that once swallowed you
I remembered the darkness
How it snuffed out your light
How I flailed in nothingness
While the demons held on tight
I remembered my promise to you
How it still echoed in the void
But hearts don’t beat down there
I gave up my soul for a little warmth.
You stand in that window
Everyday for hours so long
Beauty framed in still shadow
Of an angel who doesn’t belong
I look upon you in hallow
Your face a timeless song
Boring through the callow
Of this people you’re trapped among
You once flew above the swallows
Before these wastelands were born
What brought you so down below
I wonder if one like you can do wrong
I am marched to the gallow
Your eyes find mine through the throng
For the first time I don’t feel hollow
The cold hearth in me flickers on
You reveal what lies beyond this burrow
The resolve to leave here burns strong
You showed me the path to follow
My fear in death is gone.
It is funny
How I remember you
In every sticky situation
And in all the silly places
Sitting on the toilet
Taking out the garbage
Stepping in the puddles
You still make me chuckle
I mean —-
Not that you are full of s**t
Or are you a piece of trash
Your memories are neither mud stains
But I smile
When I remember you
The strength you gave to me
The grace you made me find
How I survived the worst
How I survived death
When you left.
I have lived
It may not be all that long
But I sure have
I have encountered fate
At its best and worst
I have learnt
So little yet everything
Through bright eyes
But not as much
Through teary eyes
I have lived burdened
By other’s dire realities
But most by other’s facades
I have celebrated
With those who lost everything
I have mourned
With those who lost nothing
I learnt that
The life we each live
The battles we declare
The crusades we embark on
To live for others
To live for ourselves
To trust and to love
To doubt and to fear
To dance and give thanks
To mop, blame and whine
To seize the day
Or to die regretting
Are all choices
We are daily gifted
To make or unmake.
